Do Not Make Your Children Your Possessions

Some time ago, I was invited to Fukuoka for a bodywork session.

Over two days, I worked with more than twenty people.

Many different people came, and I was truly grateful.

Among them was a man in his seventies.

He spoke about his daughter and said,

“My daughter is going through a rebellious phase.”

I thought, I see.

But when I listened more closely, I realized his daughter was already in her forties.

⸻

Of course, for a parent, a child may always feel like a child.

I can understand that.

The memories of when they were small.

The memory of holding their hand while walking.

The memory of worrying about them.

Those things do not disappear so easily.

But a child is not a parent’s possession.

Nor are they an extension of the parent.

Even if they are your own child, they are a completely separate person.

⸻

Parents often feel they know their children well.

But in truth, they do not know everything.

Of course, because they have watched them for so long, there are things they can understand.

But they cannot understand everything.

What that person is feeling.

What they want to choose.

What they are struggling with.

Where they are trying to go.

There is always a part that only the person themselves can know.

⸻

When a parent keeps holding tightly to the role of “parent,”

the child also continues to play the role of “child.”

The parent tries to control.

The child resists.

The parent worries.

The child creates distance.

Before anyone realizes it, that exchange becomes a kind of role play.

And within that role, both parent and child begin to suffer.

⸻

Caring about your child

and wanting your child to live according to your wishes

are not the same thing.

Worrying

and trusting

are not the same thing either.

Sometimes, because you love someone, you have to let go.

Watching over someone does not mean doing nothing.

It means respecting their life as their own.

⸻

A child is not a parent’s work of art.

A child is not a parent’s answer sheet.

A child is not the continuation of a parent’s life.

They are one human being, living in this world.

When a parent can accept that somewhere inside,

the parent may become a little lighter.

The child may become a little lighter too.

I hope more parent-child relationships can become that way.

More free.

More joyful.

Each person living their own life

as their own.