“What’s going on?” she asked again

This morning, I had a Zoom session with Michelle in Los Angeles.

She said she had severe pain around her lower back. Even the slightest movement caused considerable pain.

I tried a few things while observing how her body responded.

When we had finished, I asked her to move her body.

“I can barely feel the pain I had a moment ago,” she said.

Then Michelle asked the same question she always asks.

“What’s going on?”

What exactly is happening?

This was our third Zoom session.

And each time, she asks me the same question.

From what I have seen, people like her—open, honest, and carrying a very positive energy—seem to respond very quickly.

She asked why she had ended up in this condition, so we talked about her relationships with other people.

Helping others is probably part of who she is.

There is nothing wrong with helping someone in need. It is a wonderful thing.

But unless both people treat each other as equals and as independent individuals from the beginning, the person receiving help may become attached to the person helping them.

Once they have been helped, they ask again.

After the second time come the third, fourth, and fifth.

It never ends.

After helping someone, it may also be important to bring that particular exchange to a proper close.

That is what I told her.

Michelle seemed to understand.

“I may never have built a truly equal relationship with someone,” she said.

Recently, a friend of a friend asked her for help. She spent two or three hours doing various things for that person.

Just when she thought she had finished, they said,

“Oh, I forgot one more thing.”

Then they added another request.

It was something she needed to have been told at the beginning.

Once again, Michelle’s valuable time was taken away.

Perhaps, after this happened repeatedly, her body had finally begun to protest.

I told her that it might be all right to be a little more “selfish.”

Of course, I did not mean selfish in a negative way.

I meant taking better care of herself.

After we had talked through everything, the session ended, as usual, after about fifteen minutes.

It is supposed to be a thirty-minute session, but we always finish after ten or fifteen minutes.

I feel a little guilty about that.

But perhaps because Michelle is surrounded by people who do not value her time, she seems to treat other people’s time as something very precious.

Once we have done what is needed in the session, she is willing to finish, even if thirty minutes were reserved.

Perhaps it is precisely because she is so kind that the people around her end up relying on her too much.