The Most Important Person in Caring for a Parent

In my practice, I often see people who are caring for an aging parent.

And there is something many of them share.

They are tired.

Not only in the body.

The heart is tired too.

As I listen, I realize they have almost no time of their own.

They move for their parent, take them to the hospital, prepare meals, keep watch — and the day is gone.

Before they know it, they have put themselves last.

And that is only natural.

Because it’s a parent.

Because they were raised by them.

Because they feel they owe them.

The more they think this way, the more they sacrifice themselves.

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I am not trying to deny the importance of caring for one’s parents.

If anything, I believe it matters deeply.

I myself spend a great deal of time with my own parents.

So I understand the feeling well.

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But through this work, there is one thing I feel strongly.

A person who is utterly exhausted cannot keep supporting someone else.

And a person who is not happy will find it hard to keep making others happy.

First, to be well yourself.

That, in the end, is what lets you support a parent the longest.

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So please, do not carry this alone.

There are public services.

There is care support.

If you have siblings, lean on them.

You can borrow the strength of relatives, of those around you.

You do not have to carry all of it by yourself.

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“It has to be me.”

I understand that feeling so well.

But sometimes, that very sense of duty is what wears a person down.

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Is what a parent truly wants really the sight of their child wearing themselves away, sacrificing everything?

To see them smile.

To see them well.

To see them live their own life.

Isn’t that what more parents wish for?

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Caring for yourself is not abandoning your parent.

Today, too, someone caring for a parent left after the session — with their shoulders just a little lighter.