Happiness Does Not Spread by Carrying Other People’s Burdens

Tomorrow, I will be holding a conversation with Naoya Fujiwara.

The title is:

“The Invisible World and the Future of Japan.”

For the past several days, I have been thinking constantly about what we should discuss.

The complex number model.

The Three Degrees of Influence.

The body and consciousness.

The future of Japan.

There are many subjects I want to explore.

But as I continued preparing, I began to feel that “happiness” might lie at the center of them all.

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Tomorrow, I plan to begin by asking everyone in the audience a question:

“On a scale of 0 to 100, how happy are you right now?”

But I will not ask them to choose a number immediately.

First, I want them to consider what actually makes them feel happy.

Spending time with family.

Succeeding at work.

Eating something delicious.

Feeling that they have been useful to someone.

Spending time quietly, doing nothing at all.

Happiness takes a different form for each person.

Even for the same person, its meaning changes with age and circumstances.

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Until fairly recently, happiness for me meant expanding my own possibilities.

I wanted to travel around the world.

I wanted to speak English.

I wanted to learn Spanish.

I wanted to communicate directly with people from all over the world.

Following those desires, I traveled to around 70 countries.

I lived in Argentina and Mexico, and eventually became able to communicate in English and Spanish without much difficulty.

This may not be the most flattering way to put it, but I lived quite selfishly, giving priority to the things I wanted to do.

Yet that was a necessary period in my life.

Because I lived my own life so fully, my attention has now shifted away from what I can acquire and toward what I can pass on to others.

Providing bodywork.

Teaching trainees.

Supporting people as they begin working in their own communities.

It is not that my happiness has simply grown larger.

Rather, its center of gravity has gradually moved beyond myself.

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However, living for others is not the same as carrying their lives on your shoulders.

At a recent Karada Naoru workshop, we examined the tension appearing in the participants’ backs and chests.

Responsibility at work.

Concern for family members.

A parent’s health.

A child’s future.

The suffering of someone who has asked for help.

The more responsible and compassionate a person is, the more likely they are to carry not only their own burdens, but also those of the people closest to them.

They believe they are doing it for someone else.

But as a result, their own body may become heavy, their breathing shallow, and their sleep disturbed.

If they collapse themselves, they will no longer be able to support anyone.

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I have long believed that:

“It is presumptuous to think one person can heal another.”

Each person has their own body.

Their own consciousness.

Their own life.

A practitioner cannot live someone else’s life for them.

The same is true within a family.

Parents have their own path.

Children have theirs.

Removing every stone from someone’s path before they have a chance to stumble is not necessarily in their best interests.

What we can do is trust in their own strength.

Offer a hand when it is truly needed.

And keep our own body and life in good condition.

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Taking care of yourself is not selfish.

When your body becomes more balanced, your breathing changes.

Your expression changes.

The tone of your voice changes.

The way you relate to others changes.

Even when the same words are spoken, words from an anxious person reach us differently from words spoken by someone who is calm and grounded.

A person’s condition does not remain contained within that individual.

Some studies suggest that happiness and emotional well-being may spread through networks of human relationships.

What exactly is being transmitted cannot yet be explained simply.

Is it our words?

Our actions?

Our expressions?

Or is it the atmosphere created by our presence?

It is probably all of these things.

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So before taking on the responsibility of making someone else happy, perhaps we should allow ourselves to become a little happier first.

Let the body rest.

Consider what we genuinely want.

Put down responsibilities that do not belong to us.

Release the belief that we must somehow fix another person’s life.

By pursuing our own happiness, that state may begin to affect the people around us.

It may reach farther than attempting to take someone else’s burdens away from them.

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When tomorrow’s conversation ends, I hope that everyone’s level of happiness will have risen by at least 1 point.

They do not need to understand every difficult theory.

We do not need to arrive at an answer to every question.

Perhaps they will decide to take slightly better care of their body.

Perhaps they will reconsider what happiness means to them.

Perhaps they will speak to the person sitting beside them.

If everyone can take home just 1 meaningful thought, that will be enough.

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Happiness does not spread by carrying someone else’s life on your shoulders.

First, take care of your own body.

Live your own life.

Someone who sees you doing so may begin to feel a little lighter.

I believe that is how happiness quietly spreads.